The Perfect Man

Hello dear readers and friends.  At least I hope I can find my readers and friends after having been so negligent this past....what? ten days!  Totally rude of me. You know my son was here and that was part of it; I was preoccupied, and my writing brain seemed to be napping. I don't know if that was a result of preoccupation or just a momentary brain pause. 

I wasn't completely fallow however.  When I tell you this goofy thing I've done, you are going to laugh and then be shocked. So. Thursday before last only Lavonne and Linda were here for "Knitting".  We were sitting around my round table after downing an enormous pizza and got to talking about men.  Specifically about me and men and relationships.  Future ones.  I said at some point,

"Well! I am certainly going to have another relationship in my life!"

I told them I had even begun writing a list: My Perfect Man.  I got the idea for this list from one of the law of attraction books.  Maybe "The Secret"; I don't recall, but in the book several women said they had made a list, a very detailed written description of their perfect mate,  and eventually that exact person, down to the last detail, appeared in their lives. Well. How easy is that?  Do I believe that could happen?  I don't know, but I figure, what have I got to lose?  Naturally, they both wanted me to read the list to them, and I immediately dashed up the stairs and snatched it out of my underwear drawer where I keep it hidden (like people are roaming my house looking for this list).  I was kind of excited at putting the list out there even more, vocalizing the list. Needless to say, we had a lot of laughs over it. It covers a lot of ground.  Perhaps it is a little anal, and possibly my bar is set a little high, but if I'm going to do it at all, I'm just going to go for broke. (Am I beginning to sound like I'm in high school yet?)

Then one of the girls asked where I expected to meet this man, or any man for that matter. Considering my current lifestyle, the only answer I could come up with was in the vegetable aisle at the supermarket. I said I was sure this has happened to someone,  and Linda promptly told a horror story about a friend of hers who had met a man in the vegetable aisle at the supermarket.  Then, to make a long story short, they convinced me I should try the on line dating thing, e-harmony and match.com to be specific.

Honest to god, my doing that had never, ever entered my mind, and I put up a lot of resistance to the idea. No way!!!  I want to meet someone organically. But once they planted that little seed, it sprouted like an over fertilized pumpkin plant filling my head with the idea.  When they left at eleven...I slinked over to the computer feeling a little silly, a little embarrassed and very daring, and I joined them both! For three days, every time Max and Katy left the house I hit the computer.  You have to write a profile and your personal headline plus add photos that will reel in those guys.  Apparently I have not hit upon the magic formula yet as I am not inundated with possible suitors, though two very nice men have written, one an author which is kind of cool because I am sort of an author groupie, or I could be.

I can not imagine into what adventures this activity will lead me. And to be honest, I haven't really decided that I would ever actually meet someone in person. After being with one man for 40 years, the idea seems frighteningly radical at this moment.  (I'd have to buy new clothes and everything!) I may not even be ready to think about men yet, though I don't think I'm suffering much heart ache for FH personally....still some for the loss of my marriage of course, but not so much that I can't go to the movie or out to dinner with a man. 

Whatever happens, it's kind of fun. Another pleasant time wasting activity on the computer when I should be slaving in my garage!  I'll keep you posted about this new past time and if anything interesting happens, you'll be the first to know.

I can't wait to go to the mailbox tomorrow.  The author has sent me an autographed copy of his book.

Comments

[firebyrd]

Really got me laughing your line about the people roaming round you house searching for the list.
And you mention needing clothes, you wait till you get to thinking about the underwear!!!!
Good luck with it.
x

[Emily]

I need to comment on this. Lol! I joined Match.com right before I met my current fiance. And while I didnt have a ton of luck there, I DID meet one man there. And to this day he is one of my best friends. Hes got 15 years on me. But he's like my soul mate in a sense. He finishes my sentences, he knows when I'm feeling blue seemingly before I even talk to him that day, he lives an hour away and when we go for dinner or coffee, he makes me laugh until the minute we part, and if my fiance hadnt weasled his way into my soul, there's a good chance my match.com guy would be it for me. Dont second guess it too much, my dear.. There are some fabulously, perfectly flawed men out there. And yours could be one of them!
I wish you luck in your search! And make sure you HAVE FUN with it along the way! Whats the point without the fun!
Glad to have you back! I was going into Anya blog withdrawls! Lol!
Em

[anya]

Actually, Firebyrd, I HAVE thought of that though I'm so new at this my mind shuts down and I feel nauseated when I think of WHY I'll need the new underwear! Hmmm. Maybe I'll just have some pen pals.

[anya]

My god, Emily, I can't believe you didn't fall in love with that guy! He sounds like a man who could go the distance.

Good advice you give me. I WILL have fun with it, at least during the emailing stage. I'm great at email. I may not get many responses because I did mention that I live with Katy. I wanted to get that out right at the beginning. You know, men my age want freedom...no chains. FH is an example of that.

[Emily]

Yeah, well most men suck. Lol! You will find Mr Right in due time. But in the meantime, you need to whoop it up with Mr RightNow. :o)
As for marrying my Match guy.. I had signed up and 'met' him before my fiance... But before it could go anywhere, my fiance swept me off my feet. I know he's the one. Anyone who can tolerate my many animals (I run a dog rescue) and dodge through my mood swings certainly deserves the benefit of the doubt. Lol!
That was the one thing Match guy didnt quite get. I'm very strongly opinionated and can get quite nasty when it comes to protecting my dogs. I've been with guys in the past, one who even forced me to sell off my horses, who just wont accept me as I am.
You need to find someone who will accept you and your life and your passions and not even flinch at the thought of stepping right into the spot next to you.

[Alexandra]

Hi Anya...your post made me smile! You are cute!

[susan]

Hey Anya,

I gotta tell you, I'm a bit surprised that you've already begun the hunt for a new man. A handy man ... I totally could understand. Guess I thought you might spend a bit more time getting to know your single gal self and enjoying all the freedom of your new life.

This is coming from single-for-so-long she can't remember anything else, and I guess pretty darn set in my single gal ways. But I gotta say, except for the financial strain of my one income household ... I'm pretty darn content.

Bonne chance mon ami ! (and be careful - there are many losers on those dating sights) xo, S.

[BumbleVee]

I have to echo Susan on the losers and weirdos being out there and I kind of wish you had not mentioned Katy already.... there are a lot of clever predators who can weasel in where they think there is an opening... please be careful... don't be blindsided or swept off your feet by any smoothies in your new found fun....

Having said that...I definitely don't want you to become a nun or anything.....but.... be careful.

When I was only 35, I lost my job, was at loose ends and spending too much time wondering what to do next. I even read the The National Enquirer for fun... read the want ads for mates and laughed my head off. Then, as usual... had to find out if they were real...so posted one of my own. Of course, my ad was pretty simple... I figured not much would happen. You know..."tired of bright, loud, plastic places and plastic people"... "want to meet down to earth guy... for friendship and whatever may develop"... "interested in walking, talking, traveling, etc." They were real alight...I got 33 replies ..one from as far away as New Zealand...

Then, I had fun stuff to do but, also, had to stay safe. It was like spy stuff... got a post office box instead of giving out my address. When I went to collect my mail...I made darn sure I checked everywhere to make sure nobody was watching me. I kept all correspondence with all of the addresses... in case of problems. Also, it was a way to track what they said and if their story changed drastically. Two of them were totally wacko. I answered a couple of others; exchanged letters with them for a few weeks to months. Some did a lot of lying; some wanted me to give them my address so they could come to visit...forget that. After six months I gave my phone number to two of them... and after a year of chatting and writing I actually went to visit ...my Mom and sister were pretty worried... but, were relieved when one of the guys called me on the night of my departure to ask what I would be wearing so he could find me at the airport and also...to remind me to give them his phone number. Neither of them in real life was much like they professed in letters or on the phone...and both seemed to think I was a mail order bride who should immediately move in with them. Another guy started sending me gifts the first week. I sent them back and told him to stop... it escalated to jewelry after 3 weeks.. ... I told him to stop again... but, when he continued to send things, I started giving them away to family and friends. Then... when he realized I meant it...he demanded it all back... hahhaha.... he got threatening of course...it was all pretty bizarre, but the letters finally stopped. Meantime, I began dating a guy I met through a friend and that was that for my "ad guys"....now, it's all just a fun story to relate. My sister sometimes reminds me of it and we have a great laugh about me being a mail order bride.......

[Mmmm]

Well i can't really comment. I've been married almost half my life and have no idea what the dating or internet dating scene would be like. I know it's got its ups and down from what my single friends have told me.

I suspect though, I must be close to the perfect man, if a woman had her head on straight!! LOL.