I just got home last night from a date weekend with the man I've been seeing. The e-harmony guy. This has got to be the best way to see and be with a man: for idyllic three day weekends once every 3 to 5 weeks. What I'm noticing is that every time we're together it's fresh, fun, and friction free (honestly, I didn't plan that alliteration). And we are never together long enough at one time for it to become mundane or even predictable. Once a month we learn a few new things about one another, carefully doling out selected bits of information that we each believe enhances our characters, inserts mystery into our images, or illustrates our fetching senses of humor. And there is still a bottomless well of juicy facts to learn about each of us. It's a clean slate. How lovely to be with someone who is seeing me with untarnished eyes, someone who doesn't know every single thing about me that there is to know. The days and nights are balanced with fun activities and just being cozy. Affection underscores even the slightest touch and glance. Consideration for the other motivates all actions. Every arrival is highly anticipated; every departure is poignant and romantic.
Is that perfect or what? As Max pointed out to me recently, You're not going to advance the relationship very far with that kind of schedule, Mom, it's a fantasy world. To which I answered that I don't necessarily want to advance anything. It's fine the way it is, and sometimes a nice fantasy world is exactly what the doctor ordered.
Just look as this line-up of the major things we did this weekend: Went to a hockey game at the local rink in which he was a player. He plays in kind of an old guy league. Went to a fun pizza place/bar with lots of the players and some spouses and girlfriends. Next day....went out for lunch, went to a movie (Grand Torino), went to a neighborhood bar where many couple friends of his were and I hit it off with everyone including two great women both of whom were artists. Saturday, drove the hour to Denver to see a professional hockey game with his 22 year old daughter. After that we met his 24 year old son and had a delicious dinner out. Any holes in that schedule (none of which, except for the game in Denver was really preplanned) were nicely filled with that "cozy" time I mentioned.
Seriously, even on a vacation with FH we never, ever did that many fun things in that short length of time. Like Max said, a fantasy world.
I'm glad I made the decision to get on e-harmony. I didn't think of it myself and I would not have done it had it not been for my friends putting the idea in my head. It's added a fun, adult facet to my life that's all mine, not a part of my grand motherly/mother surrogate roll. The roll that is fairly all encompassing except for this one little getaway a month. I hug this time possessively to my heart because on that weekend each month I step out of the grand motherly cloak and slip into my other incarnation....Anya, the energetic, single woman that loves a lemon drop martini and can stay up till two in the morning talking, laughing, dancing and loving without a pause. The bold doer of new things, thinker of new thoughts, and speaker of clever remarks. Then after just a short while I drive the three hours home or send him home feeling like I've been to the spring of renewal. I slip back into that sweet, grandmotherly cloak and I feel content there. It just fits a little better when I can step out of it for a time.
Rock On Girlfriend !! A perfectly put post (oops ! mah own litteration). Wink & hugs from tout la gang
Posted by: susan | February 03, 2009 at 01:33 AM
Awww, A sweet post about a good situation you are in. The two roles sound like they are fitting you well.
Posted by: Mim | February 03, 2009 at 05:24 AM
Rock On from me, too! I am so happy to hear this.
Posted by: Judy in KY | February 03, 2009 at 07:20 AM
The bold doer of new things... I love it. You are an inspiration to me.
Posted by: Judy in KY | February 03, 2009 at 07:21 AM
Sounds a perfect mix. Fun and fantasy then home for real time as the tension builds up for the next outing.
I'm envious!
xx
Posted by: fire byrd | February 03, 2009 at 07:34 AM
Sounds a perfect mix. Fun and fantasy then home for real time as the tension builds up for the next outing.
I'm envious!
xx
Posted by: fire byrd | February 03, 2009 at 07:34 AM
So, who are you, anyway? :]
I'm glad you are having such a nice time and e-harmony works so well for ya!
Posted by: Mrs. C | February 03, 2009 at 09:44 AM
What an inspiration you are. Love it and I love this post. Found you via the Steamed Sponge site.
Posted by: lilly | February 03, 2009 at 02:14 PM
Thanks guys for the supportive remarks. You put it so perfectly, Byrd, about the tension building up again.
Susan...did you ever like alliteration? That was never my favorite...what is that called? Well, whatever.
Ah, Judy, you spotted my favorite phrase in that post. I wouldn't have thought I'd be a bold doer of new things at this age, but now I see that's just wrong thinking for anyone.
Mim, yes, things are melding pretty well. I'll admit, I do feel more settled into this life now that I've pledged to myself to always carve out some personal time...no kids, no worries, no responsibilities. Just for short little periods.
Mrs. C, you're funny!
And Lilly, I love your site. I am going to spend some time on it. I loved today's entry about love and I've gotta comment on that one!
Posted by: anya | February 04, 2009 at 03:00 PM
So glad you dropped by my blog and I could not imagine how you dealt with finding out about all of that. You are a total inspiration and they say the best revenge is living well. I jsut never will understand why people would want to deliberately hurt others. The only thing I keep repeating over and over is, hurt people hurt others. I shall be following your journey with interest. You go girl!!
Posted by: lilly | February 04, 2009 at 03:21 PM
wonderful, Anya!! Way to go.
"And we are never together long enough at one time for it to become mundane or even predictable."
--That is so true with new relationships. How incredibly thrilling. I'm glad you are taking your life back!
e-Harmony--brave girl. I have sometimes wondered if I was single what women might try to connect. It's a fun thought. Falling in love is the best thign in the world but it can be so exhausting too...so keepy your onece a month engagements for some time to come. The perfect set up, I should imagine, in your current situ.
Yes, let's do Starry nights one of these days. Take care.
Posted by: Mmm | February 05, 2009 at 04:21 AM
Well, Mmm, I'm not doing any falling in love at the moment...you're right, that is exhausting. At least it was the first time I did it. I do wonder though if I"ll ever do it again. I think I will.
Posted by: anya | February 05, 2009 at 06:16 AM
It all sounds so scrumous..... does he have a brother LOL....
x
Posted by: marmitetoasty | February 06, 2009 at 04:43 AM
Way to go Anya!! YEAH!
There is nothing wrong with a fantasy world. Its totally healthy for a woman to have such a thing all to herself. Something to fantasize about. SomeONE that you actually want to fantasize about...
I am so happy for you, Anya!!
Em
Posted by: Emily | February 06, 2009 at 10:28 AM
How totally exciting for you! You Go Girl!
Posted by: Pherenike | February 09, 2009 at 02:15 PM