Certainly that was the longest hiatus taken yet! And no really good reason. A person can always find a little time to write...can't she? Life just got in the way and got me awfully preoccupied.....
our drama continues
A lot has been going on here with my little family caught up in a soap opera drama again. In this case more of a crime drama. I won't elaborate; that one's not my story to tell. It's Max's story. I have to shake my head, though, at all the sordidness my ex-daughter in law has brought into our lives in the 10 years I've known her, and now she's crossed a line from which there is no return.
What I can talk about though is that the woman has fled to Canada and in the long run that will affect all three of our lives for the better. I may not have mentioned before that she is not a citizen here. (Actually I'm not sure I've ever mentioned her.) She's Canadian from Nova Scotia. And the girl has gotten herself into a lot of trouble.
katy's big adventure
Katy had time off from school last week and she had two big firsts. She went back to the city, Nashville, that she left three years ago, and she took her first unaccompanied airline trip. Big deals both. Three years ago when she left Nashville she swore, and has continued to pledge that she would never go back there. She hated it. It's surely a sign of Max and Katy's strong bonding since my divorce that she wanted to go stay with him in that town. She kind of emotionally transferred all the nastiness of her parent's divorce to the city, so that Nashville became a huge negative symbol in her mind.
In the dark car driving home from the airport confidences were shared as they often are under the cover of darkness, and she told me she believes she could go back and live with him in Nashville. She's always been adamant that he move to Colorado so they could live together here. And she's still ambivalent about Nashville, though not about living with her dad. She was worried her remarks would hurt my feelings, but they didn't. It was never the plan that Katy would live here with us and then me forever. My dream was always that Max would fight for and get custody, and that eventually he and Katy would reunite and live as a dad and beloved daughter should live, together. And time's passing at warp speed. She goes into middle school in September. Just a little more time and he'll miss her big, little girl life altogether.
Well, he did fight long and hard, and won custody. But he and I didn't want Katy to be in the same town as her mother. So, and this is where these two stories tie together, with her mother on the lam in Canada, Nashville becomes a real possibility. I won't deny that my dream had the two of them living in Colorado, but Max has a good job there, with a good income and a contract. During these harsh times that is an asset greater than gold. And I can not move there. I will never move back to the south. I left there 30 years ago to come to Colorado, and my soul homesteaded here. I simply can not live in the heat and I would die if I had to leave Colorado. I believe Max thinks I'm being a bit of a drama queen about that...Mom, you wouldn't die!
Stranger things have happened.
He and I are talking this summer...possibly...no probably.
Living in the mountainous middle of nowhere.
so what about me?
Yeah...what about me? I've been pondering this. I haven't actually been alone yet. I've been without a husband, but I've had a lively, life filling person with me since the divorce. My life revolves around Katy and her needs. Technically I'm a single mom living in the mountainous middle of nowhere with a 10 year old girl. It's my life and has been since the divorce, and in fact I think it is a large part of the reason I handled the divorce with such equanimity. I had to really. For Katy. So I anxiously wonder what it will be like when Katy goes with her dad? Will I dance with glee at my freedom? Or will I sink into the gloom of loneliness? I honestly don't believe that I'll sink, I'm not a sinking kind of woman, but I do know I'll have to watch myself. Be careful. Make interesting changes. Tackle it head on. Make still another new life.
Max said something that really made me begin thinking about this. After she had left him, he told me that it was so difficult to let her go. Every night I go home to a quiet, empty house. I cook alone, eat alone and then try to kill some time so I can go to sleep and wake up in the morning and leave this empty feeling house. I'm lonely. But with Katy here, we do home work together, eat together, laugh and talk, talk, talk....she's such a presence.
And right now she's my presence.
It's kind of scary.
Anya, what a beautiful and giving spirit you have!
You will do wonderfully when Katy lives with her dad. You will know that your job is done and your dream fulfilled. You will have enough distance that father and daughter will truly thrive, but see you as a cherished visitor and friend.
Your life without Katy's daily presence? Will be more free. You will be ready to learn more about yourself and what you really want to do when you grow up. :]
May God bless you and keep you, and shine His face upon you. You have written a beautiful post, friend.
Posted by: Mrs. C | March 01, 2009 at 12:09 PM
Dear Mrs. C....that is such an uplifting comment and a message that I can really use. Thank you for your faith in me, dear.
Posted by: anya | March 01, 2009 at 02:19 PM
It was the Lord's divine arrangement that Katy was there to have so many loving exchanges with during the time you needed her and she needed you. What could be more perfect? But now it seems He is saying, "Next..." and you should just surrender to that and know that it will all be as wonderful as it has been so far, only different...
Posted by: Braja | March 01, 2009 at 06:29 PM
Big steps, Anya. Thrilling and scary and SO exciting! I think you'll miss Katy, and she'll miss you, but I think both of you will do really, really well.
Posted by: J. | March 01, 2009 at 09:25 PM
When the time comes for Katy to go, you must ensure that you put things in place to do/see/ visit cause it will be a while till you're ok on your own.
xx
Posted by: fire byrd | March 03, 2009 at 11:19 AM
How fabulous for you all. Of course its going to be a big step for everyone.
Isn't it wonderful that Katy got to live with you for some time and the bond you have will never be broken. You will have a wonderful relationship forever. My own daughter is very close to my mother too.
It is great that things have settled down for her and for your son. She needs to be with her Dad and sounds like her Dad needs her too. And you will be able to talk to her often and go visit or talk online even.
Enjoy your last few months living together and make some more exciting memories for her. Yes its going to be incredibly different for a while but think of all the things you can do now that you are not tied to school terms and days. Start writing a list and go on a big adventure yourself.
Your post was beautifully written and I do understand the diffciulties to some degree. My ex brought drama into my life too. Sometimes the stories are so hard to believe but after my own experience I know there are some evil people out there.
Take Care and glad you are back posting. By the way, Katy is a stunner so Dad will have his hands full in years to come! She is just beautiful and I am sure all the nurturing you have given her has helped enormously.
Posted by: lilly | March 03, 2009 at 09:25 PM
Found your blog via the black box. Hope you don't mind a new reader. Will spend time reading your words. Thank you.
Posted by: Carla | March 04, 2009 at 12:17 PM
hi,
Im sure you will carry on with courage whatever twists in the path ahead there are. You'll be fine!
Posted by: Pherenike | March 04, 2009 at 02:22 PM
I too, think you will be fine Anya. You've proven yourself to have great inner strength. I think you've done a fabulous job with everything, and bottom line is that Katy loves you so much.I think you've played your role in this section of her life,and you'll be helped through the next part of your personal journey I am sure. xxx
Posted by: pam | March 05, 2009 at 04:24 PM
Your ponderings, questions, worries I think are "normal" when there are so many changes in your life. But it looks like you are able to carry this - one day at a time :) You'll do fine Anya, and you will find some things to do in your new life that you'll find significant! Really, you will.
Posted by: Jeannette St.G. | March 06, 2009 at 01:14 AM
HI ANYA
Thinking of you as you adjust to all the changes ahead.
Maybe you will be visiting back and forth to Nashville alot.
Posted by: Mim | March 07, 2009 at 05:38 AM
What a cute girl she is... it looks like she has your spirit!
Posted by: Judy in KY | March 07, 2009 at 06:20 AM
Anya,
I love what you say how you and katy are doing everything together but then there's her Dad all alone. It sucks. I feel bad for katie that she doesn't have her Dad around regularly--I never did either--but she does have you and you are marvelous providing that loving stable home for her. You simply can't measure the rewards you bring to her for her future.
Hey maybe your ex-sister in law will bump into Susan one day?
Posted by: Mmm | March 30, 2009 at 10:17 AM