A New Week. A New Outlook!

Katy (on the right) and her two best friends partying

Nothing like a little time and fun to wash away the blues....or should I say the reds.  If anger were a color it would surely be red.  Oh, it's still lurking around but it's laying low and that's good. 

Not a thing in my life has changed this past week except my attitude.  Isn't it wonderful that we have the individual power to do that for ourselves? Everything we need for a happy life is right here in our little brains and hearts. And any of us can access those attitude altering tools but we've gotta believe that we have total access to them.  Luckily I found mine a few days ago.

I have to tell all of you that left me comments last week how much they meant to me.  You have no idea how those comments lift me up.  No. That's not true, of course you know because you feel the same way when you find that same good support on your own blogs.

You're right, Pam, the anger is just a part of the process and I'm pretty sure that it is a process of me establishing a new and better life.  Well, I'm not pretty sure, I'm positive I have a better life now, even with the occasional flare up of anger, and an infrequent taste of fear in the back of my throat.  

But life goes on.....

I had one of those big fat dates that I've enjoyed having once a month with Sam.  I went up to his town and stayed for three days.  We had a lot of fun doing not much of anything:  taking drives, assembling little antipasti dinners (there's a great grocery store there) and devouring them, watching the first season of Weeds, playing with his dog, and watching Nuggets basketball of all things.

I am the most anti-tv sports person in the world.  Or at least I have been up until meeting Sam.  He's not.  Sigh.  Do you remember a long time ago in a post I mentioned I'd made a list of the qualities in my perfect man?  I figured that according to the law of attraction if I wrote a very detailed list then tucked it away,  putting the clear intention out into the universe, this guy, this perfect guy would show up. Well one of the features of this perfect man was he doesn't watch sports on television.  Hmmm.  Clearly Sam isn't that perfect guy.  Not only does he watch sports on television but he convinced me to watch a basketball game with him.  I curled up in the corner of the couch with a pillow fully planning to snooze, but I'll be darned if it wasn't so exciting I was totally entranced...entrapped?...in it.  Didn't sleep a wink.  He was impressed.  I made a lot of points on that one.  He said for a rookie watcher I really got it. Ha.  That cracks me up. The strange thing is though, I did get it! First hockey, now basketball.  I'm worried there's a latent sports babe masquerading as me.

On Sunday I drove down to Denver to see Fleetwood Mac with my sister and her husband.  They had an extra ticket, and invited me along as their guest.  We took a taxi to and from the venue, and enjoyed the concert greatly with the help of several vodka martinis.  I love to see old rockers still rockin'. (I'm referring to both Fleetwood Mac and myself.) 

There's a lot going on here on my front and I'm feeling kind of slammed.  I wouldn't feel so anxious if I had even begun  packing Katy's things for the trip to her new home.  As it turns out Max is coming out to get her much earlier than we had originally talked about.  He's coming on the thirteenth of June! So soon! 

That wouldn't be a big deal, but two months ago I booked a little B&B in Hill City, South Dakota for a week for Katy and I.  We're leaving next week. I wanted us to have a trip together before she leaves. I would have loved to have gone to Oregon again, but that trip is expensive.  This one is a fraction of the cost, and there are so many cool things for families to do in this area:  Mount Rushmore, the Wild Mustang Rescue Ranch, Jewel Cave, Wind Cave, an old train right out of the cowboy days, the Crazy Horse memorial, Custer state park and all the wild animals that live there, a kangaroo rescue ranch (isn't that weird?), plus creeks and lakes for swimming.  

I've come around to the point that I'm just plain excited at the prospects that are awaiting me in a new ALONE life. My calendar is beginning to look very interesting for this summer.  I'm building in plenty of fun:  several concerts (I'm blessed that Max is in the music business and gets me free concert tickets); some visits from friends; a few little trips for myself, mostly to Sam's part of the country; and plenty of day trips that end with late dinners with my girlfriends.

But the first thing I'm going to do is to establish a new daily rhythm of waking up and going to bed....no more alarm clocks!  Living by my personal body rhythms rather than a clock is the thing I've missed most these three years that Katy has been here.  Once I do that, I'm going to get my house ready to sell, write, do more art, learn my photoshop elements program, teach myself to take better photos.  I think it's going to be a good new life.  

Still gotta figure out the money thing, but I'm up for that too now.  Resigned might be a better word, but it doesn't matter if I'm up or just resigned, I'm going to figure something out that works for me. I'm lucky I have no debt. Not a penny. That's important security.  I can always pay for propane and my property taxes and eat peanut butter.  Ha.  Just kidding.  (I hope!)

That photo at the top of the page is of Katy today at the pizza place.  She was eleven years old yesterday and we had a party in town today.  I brought four of the girls home for a sleepover and have been hauling food to the den ever since we got home. They eat so much yet they're so thin!

Tomorrow we'll all go to town for an early memorial day parade.  There are already flags all over town.  We're getting a fly over by some air force jets, and the weather is supposed to be wonderful.  There'll be live music in two different places, interesting exhibits, and I hope those Amish ladies will be on the street selling their world's best doughnuts (risen and fried...yum).  Folks will be driving up from the flat lands in cars and on Harleys, filling the town and spending money at last, and the ice cream shop reopens.  It's summer in the mountains.  Just the best time here.

Aspen at the back of the house...GREEN at last!

This week marks another event.  It is one year since FH left.  The divorce wasn't final until July of last year, but I start the clock on the day he left. Looking back I've got to say, it's been a good year for the most part.  Oh, there were some frustrations, some hurt, and that anger thing, but they didn't rule the year or even come close!  I'm pretty proud of myself.  I've managed to figure out a way to handle most of what has come up if not always with aplomb at least with some efficiency.  It feels good.  I feel strong. 

My friend Paula came over last night and we talked till one.  She said you've handled it all remarkably well, and she's right. I have.

Now I'm ready for the next year, my next incarnation.  

I love having something to look forward to.

Comments

[pam]

For that amount of time, you have done incredibly well. You seem to have accomplished in a year what took me four, and if it helps, I'm happy now. You need to get rid of the rotter to find the good one.The photo of Katie and her mates is lovely.xx

[fire byrd]

Anya, I'm so proud of you.
You've taken your life and found what works for you, and are out there getting it.
Sure there will be bad days, but if they are the few then so what.
You just hunker down till they pass cause as you've just proved in your words they do pass..
There will of course be tears in June, but there will also be your future and that's the bit you need to hold onto.
lots of hugs
xx

[fire byrd]

Anya, I'm so proud of you.
You've taken your life and found what works for you, and are out there getting it.
Sure there will be bad days, but if they are the few then so what.
You just hunker down till they pass cause as you've just proved in your words they do pass..
There will of course be tears in June, but there will also be your future and that's the bit you need to hold onto.
lots of hugs
xx

[Mrs. C]

You are awesome! I just love your attitude! Can you rub some of that off on my teenagers? LOL

[marmitetoasty]

You my dear Anya are an inspiration in so many ways...... fank you for being you....

x

[Judy in KY]

Katy is adorable! I hope the two of you have a great time on your trip.

[lilly]

This post made for great reading and it reeked of positivity and so much happening. It all sounds great and how exciting is the future? Katy looks like you around the eyes am I imagining that? Eleven years old, wow. I think the week away is a fabulous idea and she will remember this precious time always. She looks healthy and happy and you should be proud. Her Daddy must be excited too.

I am jealous, Fleetwood Mac - I love Stevie Nicks I have to say. The world's your oyster as they say and something tells me you are going to find a lot out about yourself and not just being a possible sports fan either. So pleased for you, truly.

[Liesel]

Hi just popping in to meet you. I really enyoed this post was very inspiring to me! Lovely mountain photo I love the moutains!

[robin_vice@yahoo.com]

Just stopping by to say, 'hi!'....

[susan]

I'm wondering if you've thrown in the blogging towel ?? Hope things are OK over there in the mountains.
xo S & les Gang

[Lorri]

Yooooo Hoooooo . . . what are you up to?

[Emily]

Hey Anya!
Happy Independance Day!
You, especially, should take this coming weekend for all it stands for, because you have come so far these past months.
Your faithful readers miss you, that's for sure! It's been almost 2 months since we last heard from you!
Hope everything is okay and I hope Katy is settled in her new place now.
Independance and Freedom are not to be taken for granted!
Can't wait to hear from you!
Em

[pam]

Nearly three months Anya!..hope all is O.K. and that you and Katy are doing well.Hopefully that "something I am looking forward to" is keeping you busy and your blogging break is a time for creating new beginnings and energies. Wishing you well...xxx

[Holly Jordan]

I have been following your blog for the past year. I hope all is okay for you. You have inspired me- I am moving into a new phase of life (empty nesters) and you have helped me see that sometimes you just have to step into the new life and experience it. Best of wishes to you.

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